March 21, 2008
living room
My hair is wet from the quick Jumeirah swim. I am not sleepy at all. The beach was a welcoming experience. I have been sulking for a month in my room. I have resigned myself to the boredom that comprises 80% of my week. While I was immersed in the cool, clear waters, I freed the restlessness in my thoughts. Alas, I felt like the small speck of sand in the universe. My worries were inconsequential. I had no right to feel down much less feel depressed. I am healthy. I am breathing. I am blessed.
Nine months in Dubai and I feel like going home. I keep counting the months. Sometimes I would mutter to God..please let it be November when I get up tomorrow.
Most times, I'd pick a book and never read it. Like the words carefully thought of would jump out of the pages and escape me. It's like staring into nothing. And the nothingness looks back at you. Quite shocking..eerie sometimes.
Just a few minutes ago, I was looking at our pics. I miss him so much. The fact that I have not heard his voice today weakened me. He seems very far and unreachable. I reached into the secret pockets in my mind to save me from paranoia. That is how I am when he seems far. Thoughts of him drown me like the deluge. He alone can save me.
Ramblings. Ramblings in the wee hours of Good Friday.
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